Poor Pedro.
Great points. I've become much more aware of writing things in sequence since Margie - though sometimes it can be tricky. 'Pedro started as the door swung open, revealing a wild-eyed Kalinda.' or 'The door swung open, revealing a wild-eyed Kalinda. Pedro started.' Though on reflection - maybe 'Pedro jumped back in fright.' does work better.
I think avoiding out of sequence constructions can mean a more immersive read if the read doesn't have to do mental gymnastics.
LOL - Love those examples. Yes, I guess the solution can sometimes be convoluted, so it may be necessary to rethink a whole sentence or passage to see how it could be said differently. I know I've got tons of these in my writing, so it will take a while to ferret them all out. Maybe we can keep an eye on each others' as/when/while slips :) Thanks for commenting.
Poor Pedro.
Great points. I've become much more aware of writing things in sequence since Margie - though sometimes it can be tricky. 'Pedro started as the door swung open, revealing a wild-eyed Kalinda.' or 'The door swung open, revealing a wild-eyed Kalinda. Pedro started.' Though on reflection - maybe 'Pedro jumped back in fright.' does work better.
I think avoiding out of sequence constructions can mean a more immersive read if the read doesn't have to do mental gymnastics.
LOL - Love those examples. Yes, I guess the solution can sometimes be convoluted, so it may be necessary to rethink a whole sentence or passage to see how it could be said differently. I know I've got tons of these in my writing, so it will take a while to ferret them all out. Maybe we can keep an eye on each others' as/when/while slips :) Thanks for commenting.