Author: | Nola | Published: | over 9 years ago |
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Tags: | description, showing, telling | Category: | Writing tips |
I recently read a book where the author had to establish several main characters before the main action could progress. However, she did this in a clunky way, with statements like the following (paraphrased):
‘I wish I could be more like my sister Mandy. She’s so compassionate and does such a great job as a wife and mother. I’m just a loser. My life’s a mess and I’m a downer to be around.’
This paragraph tells us a lot of information in a short space, but that’s part of the problem. It’s telling us what the characters are like instead of showing us. It’s usually better to reveal a character through their words and actions. The author could have included one or more scenes that showed Mandy being compassionate (e.g. helping an old lady who’d fallen over). She could have written domestic scenes to illustrate Mandy’s interactions with her husband and children. We could have learned more about the narrator by seeing her at a social gathering, sapping the joy from those around her.
Showing rather than telling also applies to settings. Imagine that your protagonist has to go to a rundown house in a poor neighbourhood. You could have her drive through the area and notice the broken street lamp that’s dangling from its socket or the graffiti on some of the buildings. When she gets to the house, there’s peeling paint on the walls and the lawn is overgrown. You might think of a more elegant way of doing it, but the point is that you’re showing the reader what it’s like rather than just telling them it’s a rundown house in a poor neighbourhood.
If you show rather than tell, it not only improves your writing but gives respect to your readers. You’re trusting them to ‘get’ what you mean rather than spoon feeding them.
Like all writing guidelines, ‘show don’t tell’ can be misused or overdone. There are times when you have to tell the reader some information and move on so that the story doesn’t get bogged down in unnecessary description. However, you might find it helpful to read over some of your manuscripts and see whether they would benefit from a little more showing.
I’m still learning to apply this principle and I’d appreciate your feedback on an extract from the novel I’m currently writing. My heroine suffers panic attacks as a result of a previous abusive relationship. However, she’s trying to hide that fact from a fellow she’s just met. You can read one of the scenes here. Do you think I’ve done a good job of showing rather than telling? What could I have done differently? It’s only a first draft, so I’m open to suggestions.
Comments read 4 comments
This is such a vital part of good writing. Sometimes the writer is completely stuck in "tell" mode. Other times it may just be a tiny thing, here and there, that could be tweaked a little better. Nola, one VERY tiny thing I would have tweaked, that I noticed straight away, in your story was this sentence:
Libby clinked her glass of ginger ale against his. ‘To Sable Island.’ She took a long sip.
Like I said, it's a really minor thing, and you are definitely showing more than telling, but I would probably try and make it even a little more showy. This is VERY rough, but something like:
Bubbles of ginger ale effervesced to the top of Libby's glass as she clinked it against his. ‘To Sable Island.’ She took a long sip.
That's rough, and like I said, MINOR, but just a thought. :-)
That's a great suggestion Deb. Thanks for that. I'm sure there'll be many more tweaks along the way. I picked this extract a few days ago because I thought it wasn't too bad, and then I revised it about six times before I put it up. LOL - I kept finding something else that could be cut or shown in a different light. I really appreciate your feedback. I'm up to 28 000 words and have about 92 000 to go. How hard can it be?
Intriguing, Nola. I like the name for your novel, also.
I was wondering about the effect his mild comment made on her. Maybe what he said should have been a little more confronting as she seems to be overreacting. I guess she has an emotional problem that's causing this but a reader might think she's acting like a nervous wreck.
Hope I don't sound harsh, just trying to give a fair critique.
Hi Rita - Thanks for that. I appreciate your feedback. This scene takes place in Chapter 4, so there is some other info about Libby prior to this, so the reader would hopefully understand why she's reacting this way. But Tom doesn't know that info yet. Maybe I should think more about how he'd respond. You've given me food for thought. Thanks :)
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